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Bismillah

It seems strange sometimes. My state of being, my state of mind. How do you choose your path and stay on it until the end of your ride? Confused I fell sometimes. Not about my deen, but about myself. Who am I? Why am I here? Such questions are asked in general about life, but for that question I have the answer when asked about this life. we are to Worship Allah, Praise Him, do as we are told by Him. But my question which I neglect to believe I have, flows deeper… much deeper… In this unseen world, and this earth and space, the vastness of Allah’s creations. The stories of the universe and all the galaxies, where do I fit in? Oh this question sounds so selfish, so one sided and shallow. A yearning that calls each and every one of us to tell us our place in this unseen sight of our lives whether we choose to listen or not. In what way am I to Praise Him? I am stuck in this world as I am seen. And I turn the pages of my books wondering what will happen next. I want to praise Him in a way that no one else has or can. I want Him to see me and me proud of me… I yearn to please Him like the Prophet… like Ahlul bayt. Like all the saints and friends of Allah I want to be up with them. I want my family to set among them and have tea and speak of the love that pours down from Allah upon us. I want to feel Him I want to love Him but most of all I want Him to love me. Not because He created me, not because I am Muslim and that I try in His way, but because I have something that no one else does and that I use that gift, that Neima that He gave me and use it to turn others to Him. Not simply for good, not simply to make others Muslim, but to bring that light, that empowering love that burns inside me to others for the ONE GOD.For Allah……

Oh, but it goes away… It leaves me and I stand wondering why and how it left me. That feeling, that love that yearning for Him. Not just for Him but to please Him, to please Him in a way that no one else can. Why does it leave me… And I fall to be ordinary and shallow. I fall to be won over by this world and this life and the small glitters that I see. Oh my dear Prophet Allah choose you over others. Allah guided you, why? Because of your love of Him? Because of your love for others? Your compassion? Because of your heart? Your shyness? Because of you righteousness? Because of you actions and you words? How do I become like you? How do I teach my children to become like you? How do I praise Him? How do I always remember Him? Not simply on occasion, not when things are going wrong, not when I am happy, not when my world is in a state of misunderstanding to me, but all of my life? Teach me Ya Allah, so that I may learn how to be like those you love, like those who love you, teach me teach my husband and family and friends to be like those you love, and who love you not for you rewards but for your love, because you are so lovable. So special and unique… So Great…

Teach me to listen and act upon you teachings…………
This is my place.

This entry was posted on Saturday, April 9th, 2005 at 4:58 pm and is filed under deep thought. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

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