Continued
The house is still yet again. Same time as before really, 11:30pm. They say you don’t realize the importance of someone until they are gone. You realize how much they actually meant to you, how much they touched you, what the sound of their name does to your soul and heart. The sound of your name from their lips, their voice. I don’t believe that though. Not with me anyway.
My grandmother and I were close. She had a stutter. A cute one. And was soo light skinned a person could mistake her for Caucasian. Tall woman with a long nick was my grandmother and a heart of gold she had. I didn’t really see her that much. I mean I was born in Sudan and we moved around a lot. We visited my family in Philadelphia as much as we could I guess. But you know how it is. I missed them. I didn’t call her as much as I should have either. But hey, I was a kid. And when I moved to Philadelphia I didn’t visit her as much as I should have but hey, I was a teen. LOL
What matters is that when I saw her, we were a pair. Tttttaubah she would say. Cute little way she said my name every time she said it. I heard it at the funeral, kept thinking about that cute little voice. I love my grandmother, to this day, and even while she was alive I knew how much she meant to me. So I don’t feel an emptiness for the time we didn’t share, or the words we didn’t speak, I feel complete for the moments we did share and the laughs that flowed from her light a summers breeze. She was the most loving person you could ever know. Talked about her family all the time. Even when she got Alzheimer’s and didn’t know me from Adam (a.s.) I could still make her laugh. And laughter made my day. Dried my tears, and healed my heart. She was my Grandmother, the mother of my mother, how could I not love her.
she died on that Monday morning, calm and sweet. We buried her on that Friday. People read this and that, my mother read the obituary, my uncle JT spoke from his heart and left every person in tears. My sister read a pro about the memories she will never forget, and me. I read a poem that I wrote to that dear dear woman.
It is like rain, you wash over me through
cloudy eyes.
I see you as the morning light
laughs on through my soul.
It is like whispers of small wonders
that captures each heart you left.
And no love can comfort these wounds,
as your smile lingers in my chest.
There is no light, besides that which
God has placed over your face.
No tear has embraced, the words,
no death can replace.
I see you, as my eyes wonder over
your memory.
I hear you and your voice gives peace
and true serenity.
There is no fear, as the Angels come
and sing you sweet lullabies.
There is no pain, as your Lord
cures your sorrowed eyes.
It is like love, the sounds of
it lift us through the sky.
It is like sleep, your peace has come
as my tears whisper good bye.
To my dearest grandmother
sunrise sunset
April 16,1920 July 10, 2006
TO BE CONTINUED
August 4th, 2006 at 6:53 am
Asalaam alaikum ukti,
Your sadness touches my heart. I couldn’t even finish your entry yesterday…too painful, too true. I like you am also pregnant and dealing with a dying grandmother. It’s hard to see someone who was once so STRONG and full of life, now confused and struggling with vocabulary. A part of me refuses to acknowledge the illness that is taking away the essence of the woman that was so/ is so special to me. My heart aches at hearing her voice, but alhumdulillah she remembers me, she revils in my visits and the youthfulness of my 3 year old. I thank allah(swt) for the blessing of her in my life. But when she is gone, my heart will miss her and never forget her smile.
Ma Salaama
Umm Amirah
August 6th, 2006 at 1:07 pm
May Allah have mercy on her soul. Im sad to hear of your loss however you wrote a poem which im sure she would of seen as befitting for herself.
As you say goodbye to a woman who you loved and still love, prepare for the arrival of a new born child. As someone departs, another arrives…
May Allah give you strength
August 7th, 2006 at 3:30 am
Lay your head on my shoulder, my love. I’ll carry you over the next hill.
August 10th, 2006 at 6:12 pm
asalaam alaikum warahmat Allah sister Tauba,
may Allah grant mercy on your grandmother and the deceased of our Ummah. surely we will all follow. my you and your family be granted reward for your patience. may Jannah be the permanent home she and all of hope for.