It’s not really that late, 11pm, but I am beat. The house is asleep and all the occupants as well… all but me. My back aches and my head feels heavy I’m just ready to fall out. Wanted to tell you what’s up first though.

Well, I’m going on 7 months pregnant Insha’Allah, Masha’Allah, Alhamdulillah and I don’t think I mentioned it before but, I’m having another girl Insha’Allah!!! I’m so happy about that.

I had to leave my husband and daughter for a week a couple weeks ago. That was a sad time in life for more than one reason. One: my grandmother was dying and that was the reason we had to leave. my mother called me one Sunday morning and told me that my grandmother was no longer connected to any machines and she was going down fast. My mother said she was going to Philadelphia that day to see her. So I, of course also wanted to go. My husband encouraged me to go, and he suggested I leave Zahra too. I was happy to hear that he would be fine with her for who knew how long we’d be gone. When my mother decides to do something, for the most part, she does it. And if you want to tag along, not too many questions please. That was fine, I understand my mom wanted to see her mom and didn’t know when she was going to return. Well, mom and her husband was driving, my younger brother was going and then me. My wonderful and understanding husband couldn’t fit and not Zahra. It was crowded in the back seat with just my brother and I. But the fact that I was leaving two of the most beloved people in my life for so long… made me very sad.

I don’t know if any of you have ever traveled from Indianapolis to Philadelphia by car before. It is a nice long drive. We made it in 12 to 13 hours I believe. Another reason my baby girl was best at home. She would have a fit in the car that long. I know.. I took her before when she was still in one of those back facing car seats… Again, it was to visit my sick grandmother. Now she is older and even more hyper than she was then…. it would not have worked.

We didn’t end up leaving Indianapolis until about 4pm. Didn’t get to Philadelphia until 6am or so. While I slept in the car on the way to our destination, my heart was aching so much for my Zahra. I couldn’t imagine how my little one was doing, if she was sleeping well. If she was crying for me. Tavis told me she was fine, that she was asking about me but not crying. That made me feel a little better. We stopped to pray Fajr when we got into Philadelphia. We prayed at this very beautiful Mosque I was in love with it. I missed my husband so much at that point. He would have loved it.

We got to the hospital around 7am I think. It was our first real stop. We didn’t go to any persons house, nor to get anything to eat. Though we had some soup at the Mosque Masha’Allah, wonderfully nice Muslims there, may Allah reward them. Anyway, I saw my Grandmother looking very… Allah knows the difficulty my heart endured to look upon her pained and tired face. She was in something of a coma. She was on Morphine for the last few days, her bodily functions were all shutting down and it was causing her great pain. So the morphine was to help that. She felt no pain according to the doctor, and she looked very much at peace. She didn’t know we were there, and she didn’t respond to any of us… She died about two hours or three after we got there… We are from Allah, and to Him we will return.

TO BE CONTINUED

I truly do still love ya, and I’m gonna sit down and write about my summer and all the crazy things that has went on. Just be a little patient with me.

Hugs and Kisses